Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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