im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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