Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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