I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
