I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
