fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
