Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
