Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
