So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
