he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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