I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
