I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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