Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
