you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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