Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
