Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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