I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
