So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
