spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
