Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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