Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
