You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
