The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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