so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
