I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
