I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
handjob tips. give me some.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
