what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
