i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Alive.
So much puke
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
