I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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