My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
