Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
