I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
