I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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