I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
