My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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