Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
