3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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