you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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