i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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