hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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