And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
