There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
