Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
