So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
