As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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