Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
