My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
