Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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