I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ladies don't puke and tell
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