Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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