I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
