just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
