i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
